My Own Personal Newman

For those of you who watched, are watching and will continue to watch Seinfeld, then this will seem very familiar to you.

It just so happens that each night, around 2-3 am, a dog starts barking and wakes me up.  I don't know why  it does it every night, let alone at the same time, but it does and this dog doesn't just let out a few гав-гавс, this mother trucker barks for at least an hour or more.  Unfortunately, they lock my dormitory doors at 11 and I am unable to leave without waking up one of the ladies with keys.  This isn't something I'm real keen on since they don't like it and in order to silence this particular dog (because as much as I love dogs, I hate this one and well, you get the idea), I'd have to spend the evening wandering in pitch darkness during the witching hour, no thanks.

What I need is Newman.  I need hire to Newman to dognap this dog, take it out far far into the country and to get it lost in a pack of camels.  Only unlike Newman's first attempt in the city, this one had better work.  This dog keeps me up and nothing drowns him out.  I close my windows? He seems to bark louder (not that closing the windows makes much difference anyhow).  I put in my headphones and the dog barks louder still. It's extremely frustrating and it's killing my sleepy-time.

So Dear Readers, if you happen to know a Newman in Elista or even in Russia at-large, please let me know. Oh Newman where are you....