Evacuation Procedure...Do what now!?

This little post is about what I (and the others on my floor) are supposed to do in case of an evacuation.

Now I live on the 5th floor on my building, the top floor that's reserved for foreign students.  Now the 5th floor isn't that high as far as buildings go, but you're not gonna see my ass jumping out anytime soon in case of an emergency.  So that being said, what am I supposed to do?

Well I don't need to figure that out. The lovely people who run my dorm have solved that problem.  No, there's no evacuation plans post anywhere and of course no such thing as an exit sign, but there is a door....

Yes a door.  It's on my end of the dorm right next to where the sinks are for brushing your teeth, washing your face, etc.  

A-ha! I now know where to go in case of an emergency! My life has been saved!! 

But wait a minute...let's examine this door a bit closer shall we?

Alright, for those of you who don't speak Russian, let me tell you what this says: "Evacuation Exit 5  Keys with the janitor (women who run the dorm".  

Yes, like every other single door in Russia (except for bathroom doors, WTF?) this one is locked.  You should also know that the women with the keys are located on the first floor.  But I now have an evacuation plan!!

1. Scream like a little girl and run to this door.
2. Realize the door is locked and I can't get out, scream louder, start to cry and wet pants.
3. Man up, run downstairs and get the key.
4. Head back upstairs two at a time (c'mon now it's a better workout) and get to the door.
5. Unlock the door.
6. Open the door to realize the exit doesn't really go anywhere.
7. Repeat (w/variation) step 2.

So, Dear Readers, if you come to visit me in my room and there's emergency you better have that tuck and roll technique down because 5 stories up is quite a ways...